Tag Archives: Passion

%$#Life….got that figured out yet???

Once upon a time I thought that I had life all figured out…yup…but I was wrong!

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I always thought I knew what I was doing and what was going to happen next.  I had life all figured out, before giving myself a chance to live it.  That all changed when a “monkey wrench” was thrown into my plans!  Back in November 2014, I was in a very minor car accident that left no harm to my vehicle.  Instead…something rare was discovered on my heart.

I didn’t know it then, but I had a “thymoma” on my heart a.k.a. cancer of the thymus gland at stage 2.  I never felt sick or anything strange with my heart or chest area before, but I am so grateful to God that this mass was found!  A few months later, in early January, I had it removed.  It was a very difficult time period from November to January.  I had no idea what was  going on in my body.  All we knew is that it was an “unknown mass” on my heart at the time.  All the events of getting blood work done, MRI’s, doctor’s visits and being told that I couldn’t have a biopsy done because there was a possibility that the needle could go through my heart if I coughed or sneezed on the operating table….did not put me at ease, needless to say.

During this time, I was very uneasy, avoided people, avoided phone calls from the surgeon…it was a tough time mentally and emotionally to grasp this new reality.  I had never been hospitalized before, except for the birth of my child…so all of this was very weird and shocking.  As the day grew nearer for my surgery to take place, I shed a ton of tears in private.  I also disclosed to all of my family members what I was facing.  The most important part was for everything to go right, so that I would be around to raise and watch my wonderful child grow.

However, as it became closer to the day of my surgery, something took place on the inside of me….a major transition of emotions. On the inside, I had become bolder and more confident.  More confident in knowing that I’ll be okay and come out of surgery even greater and stronger than before.  Weird sense of intuition, but I knew I’d be okay as the day grew closer.  I put all of my trust in God.  However, the night before my surgery I couldn’t sleep…I might’ve slept for about two hours…the suspense in waiting kept me up for most of the night.

January 12th was here before I knew it…and I was a nervous wreck!  I was off to the hospital and it wasn’t long before I was in preparation for the surgery to take place.  I remember being wheeled back into the room and seeing many rows of scissors before they performed the robotic surgery on my heart.  Not long after freaking out in the operating room, I fell asleep and only remember what came next…

Which was the excruciating pain that I was in after being cut open and poked and prodded everywhere!  LOL!

The entire experience was a major journey and turn of events in my life.  I was in tons of pain during recovery and home for nearly a month.  Soon after healing up…I underwent six weeks of radiation therapy every morning before going to work.  Throughout all of this, I am truly thankful to God, my family, friends, co-workers, doctors, surgeons, anesthesiologists, nurses, and therapists for their support, encouragement, and kindness.

When it comes down to it…I thought that I had life all figured out.  I knew what was next, hey I knew it all.  HA!  As for having life figured out, I don’t.  And that is okay, because this sudden turn of events has ignited a strength in me that won’t die.  I’ve encountered so many emotions along this path from sorrow to uneasiness, to a strength to live life fully.  I may not have life figured out, but I choose to live and that’s half the battle to living a fulfilled life.

Life may throw some unexpected turn of events your way, but embrace them as part of your “journee” for a learning experience that cannot be compared to anything else.  Trust God.

~As always…thanks for stopping and feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

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TunnelVision

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Living life is a journey and a road that we’re all traveling. Along the way we come across some speed bumps and road blocks that may hinder us from going the desired rate that we imagined to reach our goals. However, we should in no way allow that to deter us from the desired outcome that we planned for. Although the plans to reach your goals may change along the way, don’t let that stop you from achieving what you have set your mind to do.

Things will not always turn out as we think they should. When that happens, we should reroute to pick ourselves up and keep moving forward. Don’t hesitate, move forward, there is more joy in accomplishing what you are passionate about than giving up and creating an excuse that’ll make you feel better. Where there is a will, there is a way, so set your mind to it and make that dream happen.

All things are possible if you believe, are you willing to believe? Do you have faith that you can overcome that obstacle and achieve your dreams, hopes, passions, most intimate desires??

Let me tell you a quick story, I once knew a girl who so desperately wanted to earn her college degree that she could taste it. However, right before her senior year of college, she was faced with serious financial difficulty. She had to pay over $2,000 to the school or she’d be kicked out of the university until she paid off that semester. Her mom couldn’t help, her father just gave thousands to her younger sibling in school as well, and just paid a few hundred on her semester bill that fall already- with two more children at home, he didn’t have it then.  This girl reached out to family and friends and prayed every night for God to show her a miracle. As it became closer to the deadline, she became more stressed and her faith began to waiver. She cried EVERY NIGHT. She wasn’t ready to give up the campus life that she built for herself, without her degree that she was so close to earning.

One night, this girl had the brilliant idea and the “balls” to e-mail the president of the university about her situation, to ask for  her  help and offer any freelance skills she could in art. That night, the president forwarded her email to the executive director of financial aid. Who was this?? Lol. She already knew people in high places in financial aid, but never anyone such as this! That night the executive director of financial aid e-mailed the girl back….and would you believe it…her bill was paid….with thousands leftover!

That girl was me. I say all that to say, don’t let go of your dreams, look them in the face and achieve them by any means necessary! Fear and doubt are no longer options!  Turn off the interference and turn on the TunnelVision, there are some dreams and goals to achieve right now! If you’ve stopped, pick up from where you left off and keep going!

Where does your PASSION lie?

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What motivates you?  What drives you?  What is the one thing you cannot live without?  For me, it’s overall creativity and freedom of thought and expression.  That’s something that I put in the back closet for a long time…instead of moving in full force to achieve my dreams and goals…I stopped.  Somewhere along the way, I stopped.  If you know me, then you know that’s not normal for me…I almost had to drop out of college due to lack of funding…but I’m the girl who e-mailed the president of the university and was able to come across the funding to stay in school and graduate based off of that one e-mail.  Once I graduated, I went in full force to pursue my dreams and I was on the right track…but somewhere along the way I derailed and lost sight of achieving my dreams.  I lost focus and stopped.

Eventually, I got tired of being knocked down, denied, and crushed because of the lack of resources that were available to me.  This happens to many of us somewhere along the way…and I totally lost my focus.  But one day…as I looked into my daughter’s eyes, I realized that I wanted more for her future and for mines as well.  I didn’t want her to think that mediocre living was okay, so I began to live once again through the gift that God has given me.  I live for creativity!  At times, I did become frustrated and discouraged by the lack of support that I was receiving from my former relationship…yet I continued to press on with my daughter on my hip.  I am blessed to have come across some amazing entrepreneurs that encouraged me to pursue what I love.

Jermaine Pratt of JPratt foot wear once said to me when I had my daughter on my hip at Philly Fashion Week “hey, she has to get used to the runway shows, this is what you do and she’ll be apart of it someday.”  I ran across Big Rube Harley in Center city one day and he said to me “don’t worry about the bills or anything because they’re gonna be there regardless, just go for what you love to do…don’t worry about that stuff.”  Big Rube is such a cool dude and he is a photographer for the Daily News, high fashion photographer being booked in NY now, co-owns a farmer’s market, and he used to co-own Mitchell &Ness in Philadelphia.  What he said does sound scary…especially having a child…however I see what he is saying.  Basically, he’s saying “Live your Dreams”, and I agree…but I won’t be quitting my job anytime soon. 

Even Philly’s own Hip Hop Artist Chase Allen…I first found out about him at the Philly Wine Mixer and I just liked his performance at first.  I received a copy of his mix tape and decided to listen to it one night and since then…I’ve been a fan.  My go to track on his mix tape “Tunnel Vision”, is track 4, “Passion”, that song hit home for me.  Basically, he talks about Passion in three parts…his passion for music, his moms passion for his father, and Jesus’ passion for the world.  The hook is “you gotta have passion, you gotta have passion, if all else fails….at least you got your passion.”  That alone had me thinking…do I have my passion?

For a long time, I lost myself…I lost myself to the pain and hurt of regret and doubt.  Being around individuals who are moving and continue to make moves…I decided that its time for me to move again.  There’s no growth in staying still…sometimes for a moment we do need to be still because of life’s circumstances, however at some point it’s time to pick up and start moving again….and that’s where I am.  Where are you?