Tag Archives: God

%$#Life….got that figured out yet???

Once upon a time I thought that I had life all figured out…yup…but I was wrong!

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I always thought I knew what I was doing and what was going to happen next.  I had life all figured out, before giving myself a chance to live it.  That all changed when a “monkey wrench” was thrown into my plans!  Back in November 2014, I was in a very minor car accident that left no harm to my vehicle.  Instead…something rare was discovered on my heart.

I didn’t know it then, but I had a “thymoma” on my heart a.k.a. cancer of the thymus gland at stage 2.  I never felt sick or anything strange with my heart or chest area before, but I am so grateful to God that this mass was found!  A few months later, in early January, I had it removed.  It was a very difficult time period from November to January.  I had no idea what was  going on in my body.  All we knew is that it was an “unknown mass” on my heart at the time.  All the events of getting blood work done, MRI’s, doctor’s visits and being told that I couldn’t have a biopsy done because there was a possibility that the needle could go through my heart if I coughed or sneezed on the operating table….did not put me at ease, needless to say.

During this time, I was very uneasy, avoided people, avoided phone calls from the surgeon…it was a tough time mentally and emotionally to grasp this new reality.  I had never been hospitalized before, except for the birth of my child…so all of this was very weird and shocking.  As the day grew nearer for my surgery to take place, I shed a ton of tears in private.  I also disclosed to all of my family members what I was facing.  The most important part was for everything to go right, so that I would be around to raise and watch my wonderful child grow.

However, as it became closer to the day of my surgery, something took place on the inside of me….a major transition of emotions. On the inside, I had become bolder and more confident.  More confident in knowing that I’ll be okay and come out of surgery even greater and stronger than before.  Weird sense of intuition, but I knew I’d be okay as the day grew closer.  I put all of my trust in God.  However, the night before my surgery I couldn’t sleep…I might’ve slept for about two hours…the suspense in waiting kept me up for most of the night.

January 12th was here before I knew it…and I was a nervous wreck!  I was off to the hospital and it wasn’t long before I was in preparation for the surgery to take place.  I remember being wheeled back into the room and seeing many rows of scissors before they performed the robotic surgery on my heart.  Not long after freaking out in the operating room, I fell asleep and only remember what came next…

Which was the excruciating pain that I was in after being cut open and poked and prodded everywhere!  LOL!

The entire experience was a major journey and turn of events in my life.  I was in tons of pain during recovery and home for nearly a month.  Soon after healing up…I underwent six weeks of radiation therapy every morning before going to work.  Throughout all of this, I am truly thankful to God, my family, friends, co-workers, doctors, surgeons, anesthesiologists, nurses, and therapists for their support, encouragement, and kindness.

When it comes down to it…I thought that I had life all figured out.  I knew what was next, hey I knew it all.  HA!  As for having life figured out, I don’t.  And that is okay, because this sudden turn of events has ignited a strength in me that won’t die.  I’ve encountered so many emotions along this path from sorrow to uneasiness, to a strength to live life fully.  I may not have life figured out, but I choose to live and that’s half the battle to living a fulfilled life.

Life may throw some unexpected turn of events your way, but embrace them as part of your “journee” for a learning experience that cannot be compared to anything else.  Trust God.

~As always…thanks for stopping and feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

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TunnelVision

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Living life is a journey and a road that we’re all traveling. Along the way we come across some speed bumps and road blocks that may hinder us from going the desired rate that we imagined to reach our goals. However, we should in no way allow that to deter us from the desired outcome that we planned for. Although the plans to reach your goals may change along the way, don’t let that stop you from achieving what you have set your mind to do.

Things will not always turn out as we think they should. When that happens, we should reroute to pick ourselves up and keep moving forward. Don’t hesitate, move forward, there is more joy in accomplishing what you are passionate about than giving up and creating an excuse that’ll make you feel better. Where there is a will, there is a way, so set your mind to it and make that dream happen.

All things are possible if you believe, are you willing to believe? Do you have faith that you can overcome that obstacle and achieve your dreams, hopes, passions, most intimate desires??

Let me tell you a quick story, I once knew a girl who so desperately wanted to earn her college degree that she could taste it. However, right before her senior year of college, she was faced with serious financial difficulty. She had to pay over $2,000 to the school or she’d be kicked out of the university until she paid off that semester. Her mom couldn’t help, her father just gave thousands to her younger sibling in school as well, and just paid a few hundred on her semester bill that fall already- with two more children at home, he didn’t have it then.  This girl reached out to family and friends and prayed every night for God to show her a miracle. As it became closer to the deadline, she became more stressed and her faith began to waiver. She cried EVERY NIGHT. She wasn’t ready to give up the campus life that she built for herself, without her degree that she was so close to earning.

One night, this girl had the brilliant idea and the “balls” to e-mail the president of the university about her situation, to ask for  her  help and offer any freelance skills she could in art. That night, the president forwarded her email to the executive director of financial aid. Who was this?? Lol. She already knew people in high places in financial aid, but never anyone such as this! That night the executive director of financial aid e-mailed the girl back….and would you believe it…her bill was paid….with thousands leftover!

That girl was me. I say all that to say, don’t let go of your dreams, look them in the face and achieve them by any means necessary! Fear and doubt are no longer options!  Turn off the interference and turn on the TunnelVision, there are some dreams and goals to achieve right now! If you’ve stopped, pick up from where you left off and keep going!

Just Me x Flaws and All

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I am me, unapologetic and fully confident.  I must admit…it took me awhile to get to this point.  For the longest, I thought that I had everything to prove to everyone else.  I thought I had to be considered the skinniest, prettiest, and every other -est by everybody else.  In spending sometime by myself and taking the time to pursue those dreams closest to my heart…I simply realize that everybody’s else’s thoughts about me are not the absolute.  I can only be me…and truly that is the best way to be.

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I’ve got blemishes, stretchmarks, bruises, scars…you name the flaw and I probably have it somewhere lol.  I am by no means perfect and I love that about myself!  I’ve finally gotten to a point where I accept and love who I am, who God made me to be.  My flaws aren’t just on the inside, they are on the inside as well and I am asking God to help me with those as well.  I’m not perfect and I own that and it took me a long time to get to this place in life.  There is no need for me to be content with being fake or unreal, I am who I am and I love whom God made me to be.

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Who am I?  Just me lol.  A young college educated mother of one, who is a blogger, artsy, and ambitious.  While this Queen sits on her throne and awaits her King…she won’t be moping around.  Instead, she’ll be loving who God made her to be, raising her princess, and working.  I don’t know why it took me so long, but I truly thank God for this confidence, I am me all day long and I love it!  I accept my flaws and appreciate the good that I have to offer.  I know I wrote an entire post about flaws…but with everyone talking about what is always perfect…I just thought I’d be different and discuss what’s not so perfect….beginning with me and that is okay.  Because what isn’t perfect is real just as much as what is perfection can be real.  There’s so much to me and I am exploring it all!

Take a look in the mirror and smile and love whom God made you to be.  Now you see the you that everyone else loves so much!  Accept your flaws because they are real and make you uniquely you.  No one else can have your flaw or your perfection because God made them especially for you!  Which is beyond beautiful.

Was It All Worth It?

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At the end of the day, we are the only ones that can answer this question…was it all worth it?  The hard work, the blood, the sweat, the tears, the failed attempts, the delays, the transactions that never came through and so much more.  When we first make an attempt at a situation, we step out on faith whatever the plan is.  When we attend college, graduate, get a job, have children, marry, remain single, divorce, separate, start a business, quit a job, choose another career path…we step out on faith when we create these goals and make an attempt to reach them.  We never know the outcome until we have decided that we have come to the end.

Most often the decision is ours on whether or not this is the end.  If financial aid closes its doors to you, you will drop out of school?  Or find another way to finish?  If your job fires you, will you give up or find another one?  If one career path no longer suits you, will you remain miserable or search for another path to take?  If a companion or spouse treats you wrong, will you stay after trying to work it out after multiple failed attempts, or realize your worth and leave?  The choices that we make rely on our belief system and whether or not we believe that the outcome will work out for us.  Too often we make the “the safe choice”, because we need a safety net or back up.

People stay in failing relationships because they heavily fear the thought of being alone.  People stay in dead end jobs because they need the money and fear the the thought of pursuing their dreams.  Some of us quit too easily because we fear that we cannot make it and would rather end the journey now before having to face failure.  At one point and time, I have been all of these….and the question that I ask myself is “was it all worth it?”  My response is “yes.”

Yes, it was worth it…the failures and successes in life that I have faced have all been worth it…God knew what He was doing with me all along and every experience has shaped my present and even my future moves.  I won’t stop here, I will continue to move forward and press everyday, because when in the end when someone asks me “was it all worth it?”  I will know what God has blessed me with because I trusted Him and let go of fear and will answer “yes, it was all worth while.”

From this day forward…I will no longer allow myself to operate in fear.  For too long I have been comfortable operating in other people’s shadows and even as I type these words…I am shaking because this is honestly from within me and I thank God for the change.  I don’t need it to be New Year’s to make a resolution because the decision has already been made and I will no longer delay.  Instead of fearing failure, I will welcome it if it comes, because it will only set me up for success if I learn from the mistakes I’ve made.  I’ve made enough mistakes to know that failure can strengthen you or break you down….I’ve chosen strength over breaking down and will continue to do so.

The choice is yours and I’ve made my decision….

As always…thanks for stopping by….

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Yes…it was all worth it!

A Ram in the Bush x God provides

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Whew is all that I can say!  What a difference a day makes.  I am truly exhausted, sleep deprived, and concerned…but I am also relieved, enlightened, and truly blessed.  A lot went on today and I was shocked, disappointed, and frustrated all in one moment.  I lost control of a situation that I didn’t know was so severe and I was at a lost.  I didn’t know what to do and no body else had the answer for me.  I broke down and cried, worried, and didn’t see hope.  But then I saw where someone posted a scripture online and instead of passively reading it, I meditated on it and I was blessed by God using them…so blessed.  I was truly at a lost at one point today.  “But God,”  oh how I love that phrase because He can quickly change the outlook of any situation.

At one point I was all over the place trying to figure out how to handle the biggest situation of the day.  A major event caught me by surprise, completely.  So what did I do?  I asked God to see me through and make a way.  The best part is, He didn’t do it the way I thought He would or should…rather He did it the way it needed to be done and I truly thank God for that!  God provided a “ram in the bush” for me today, and it was not to benefit me, but I thank God for it’s appearance!  Whew and thank You Jesus is all that I can say! 

Basically, when you think it’s over, don’t throw in the towel just yet.  Rather pray, wait a little while, be still, and watch God work out any situation that you have need of.  He continuously does it for me over and over again…and I know for sure that He can do it for you as well.  Be open to the move of God and be humble.

As always…thanks for stopping by….

Stress x Emotions x I choose to GROW

Eeeekkkk!!!!  Today was not the easiest of days, but I made it!  I guess that’s the best part of the day.  But sheesh!!!  There are some days that I am just appalled, truly appalled by people and their lack of character.  It is truly amazing and sadly deceitful.  Five years ago, I would not have tolerated this at all.  However, I have responsibilities that I take on full time that I must consider before making an irrational decision.  When I made decisions in my early 20’s, it was to benefit me.  However, at this time in my life, I do have to take into careful consideration that I have a beautiful toddler to care for.  Sadly, there is rarely any help or relationship with her father.  That….I still do not understand…but I no longer question what happens.  So much has happened, why should I be surprised anymore?

Any how…I am just venting…but the moral of the story is…I’m learning.  Learning how to cope with the sweet and sour of life.  Life happens and God is in control, all I can do is trust him.  In the mean time, I am more than sure that opportunity will present itself for me to grow and move on into greater positions that I know that God has for me.  I know that many of you may be going through some tough situations, and I encourage you as well to push past the emotions and into the mindset of this being an experience in which you can grow and conquer.

 

As always…thanks for stopping by….