Fantasy vs. Reality…a look into my He(Art)….

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Captured above is a random art piece from my sketchbook.  I love using bold colors and fluid shapes in my art, and I always express myself through my art.  Here is an eye ball with a lightning rod through it, with red eye, a sea of tears, and a bold green background to give the art that pop of color that I love! 

What inspired me to paint this was my own feelings and emotions.  When you devote yourself completely to a thought or idea and you believe with all of your heart that it has come true…only to find out that it falls apart…it can hurt you to the core.  Just think about it…have you ever put all of your being into something or someone?  During my senior year of college I was almost kicked out because of lack of funding.  Financial aid said that my parents made too much money but they didn’t have anymore to give me for school with 2 children in college and financial aid told me that there were no more funds for me.  Well, while I was at work on campus, I decided to e-mail the president of the university and plead for help.  She forwarded my e-mail to the executive director of financial aid (whom I never knew existed lol), and that person pulled a multitude of strings for me financially, which helped me to finish out the semester—thank You Jesus!!!  The following semester I became a Resident Assistant which helped me in a great way financially!

My point is…after 3 1/2- 4 years of hard work in college—and I never had academic probation and was very active on campus…how would I feel not being able to see my graduation day when I was so close???  It’s the same with life whenever you invest your time, finances, emotions, or everything that’s inside of you into something, you want to see it succeed.  It’s much easier to see something through when it’s just you, but when you include another person in on your plan it becomes a partnership.  After much time, love, and money is invested into a partnership, you expect it to last or if it comes to an end…at least it can be amicable, you would hope.  But that isn’t always the case.

After many years of giving all of me and planning for a future that I no longer see or hope for…there is pain.  Everyday, I thank God for being here and keeping me and I also ignore what I am going through at times with work, child rearing, and caring for the household.  Well, with the holidays approaching, those raw feelings have reappeared.  I know that I could never have what I once did because of all of the events that occurred, but man…my fantasy that I thought became a reality…has become a fantasy again.  Right now, I am going to let that fantasy remain a fantasy…because it’s time to focus on me…the one person that I’ve neglected long enough.

When it comes to a partnership, if only one half wants to work hard, then it’s not going to work.  If the other half tosses you like yesterday’s garbage, then move on. 

The lightning bold in the iris symbolizes the anger and pain…the redness is soreness from all the tears…the tears are releasing the pain.  The green…I love it!

As always…thanks for stopping by and please leave your thoughts below 😉

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